One year ago...

One year ago today, my water broke.  It was shortly after 9PM on Mother's Day. Chris had ran out to get a pizza because, when we tried to cook dinner at home, the oven filled with smoke.  We both ran through the house opening windows, not an easy thing to do when you are 9 months pregnant! My mom was staying with us, because I was scheduled to be induced on Tuesday.  I sat down on the sofa and heard a "pop".  The next thing I knew, I felt wet.  The next 30 or so hours were crazy, amazing, wonderful, scary and happy.  And at the end of the journey, Jackson Wesley Neighbours was here. 

What a difference a year makes. :)

Bouncing and Crawling and Standing - Oh My!

My baby can bounce with the best of them.  He knows how to lurch his body forward and bounce in a chair.  He jumps up as much as he can.

He's a darn fine crawler, too!  He goes between the army crawl and the all-fours crawl, but either way he chooses, he's speedy! Turn your head for a minute and he's gone, normally towards an outlet, a dog toy or one of Chris's tennis shoes.  Yeah, I'm glad we've baby proofed!

He's newest accomplishment is standing.  Oh yes, the boy will pull himself up on anything he possibly can.  The coffee table and sofa are favorites, as well as his crib.  He's also learned how to pull himself up on his music table and bumpo chair. 

So you know what this means, right?  The kiddo will be walking soon.  I think he'll be moving and grooving by his first birthday.  Of course, I've also thought he has been teething since he was four months old and not a single tooth has appeared yet.  What do I know? 

We're also introducing more "real" foods into his diet.  I worry about this a little since he doesn't have teeth yet.  So far, we've done cheese, blueberries, grits, mashed potatoes, peas and rice.  I know he's supposed to start eating more real food and less baby food and formula.  He seems to like most everything he's tried and so far, he has had no allergic reactions to anything. 

Man, I know I have said this a thousand times before, but my little guy is growing up! 

A mommy issue

It took almost 8 months, but my son is sleeping in his crib. It’s not where we just purchased the crib, or that we were missing the mattress, or the bedding or something like that. No, no, no. Jackson has always had a beautiful crib…scratch that…a beautiful bedroom, waiting patiently to be used. The reason Jackson had never spent a night in his room is, well, me. I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t cut the cord. I absolutely loved waking up at any time during the night and seeing him right next to me in his bassinet. I loved hearing his coos and deep breathes. I loved waking up to giggles and seeing that little head pop up with a big old smile on his face. Yup, this growing pain was all mine.

So, flash back to about three weeks ago. When Jackson and I went to bed about 9:30 on a Sunday night (Chris stays up later to let the dogs out). Jack was incredibly fussy and would not stay asleep for more than 5-10 minutes. By the time Chris came up for bed, I was exhausted. We tried everything – putting him in our bed (which I hate), walking him, giving him a bottle, giving him a bath – nothing worked. Every time we put him in the bassinet, he would jump and shake and I was really worried that he would cave the thing in (mostly because he outgrew the weight limit about five pounds ago!). Finally, about 3AM, Chris said, “Amanda, we need sleep and he needs to be in a place where we can put him that he is safe. I am putting him in his crib. I’ll sleep in there with him on the floor.” Chris drug the futon mattress into the nursery, and I attempted to put the breathable bumper on the crib (a lot harder than it sounds at 3 in the morning!). We put the baby in the crib and he screamed and screamed. It was heartbreaking. We rubbed his back and sang to him and finally, about 3:30, he fell asleep. I went back to our bedroom and slept until 5:45. We decided at that point to keep the baby in his crib at night. We had a streak and didn’t want to break it! ;)

Over the past three weeks, we have fixed the breathable bumper, organized his bedroom a little more and opened our lovely video monitor. Do you know what I discovered? With that video monitor that I keep on my nightstand, I can still wake up at any time during the night and see him. I can still hear his coos and deep breathes. I still wake up to giggles and the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. I guess it’s true what they say…you have to grow up sometime.

Why hello again!

I can’t believe it’s been over a month since my last posting! I can’t believe it’s 2011! I can’t believe my baby is almost 8 months old! Needless to say, it’s been an exciting, tiring and fun time of our little family! Here’s a highlight reel of the last 45 or so days:

Thanksgiving: Jackson had his first baby food: SWEET POTATOES! He absolutely loved them! He tired them on Thanksgiving and since then, we’ve done all the baby foods. Pears, apples, bananas, sweet peas, peaches, carrots, butternut squash, green beans and prunes. He’s not really a fan of sweet peas or green beans, but he’ll get there. We’ve also started the sippy cup, but he thinks is more of a toy, but he’s getting the hang of it.

On the first day of Christmas…: The holidays were hectic. Beyond hectic. Chris and I always say we aren’t going to overscheduled ourselves, but sure enough, we had something going on most every weekend in November and December leading up to Christmas. Not that I mind. I feel very blessed that we have so many family and friends who love us and want to spend time with us, and vice versa. But it does make for very tired parents, and sometimes a cranky little baby.

I’m dreaming of a White Christmas: Jackson’s first Christmas was a White Christmas! It was the first time in over 100 years that we’ve had real snow in Georgia on Christmas! Yup, it was truly magical and something very special for such a special little guy!

Santa, take this present and shove it!: Jackson did get one thing for Christmas I wish we could take back. The flu. :( We took him to Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta’s emergency room on December 26. Basically, they made us feel like we were overreacting and sent us home. But Baby Jack got worse as the night went on, and the next day, we took him to the pediatrician and sure enough, our little guy had the flu! Our doctor was very upset with CHOA, but all that really mattered was getting Jackson well. He was on breathing treatment for a week and several medicines. It took a few days but he was back to his old self again by New Year’s! My mom came over on the Thursday before Christmas and we had our 2nd Christmas, where Jackson opened his presents. We had a wonderful time and he felt so much better.

Start spreading the news: Uncle Jeremy moved to the Big Apple. New York City. I mean, I’ve known for quite a while this was coming, but it didn’t seem real or like it would actually happen. Even now, it’s hard for me to believe that Jeremy LIVES in NYC. The funny thing is Jeremy and I didn’t get to say a proper goodbye. He came over on Christmas, but the plan was to see him Monday before he left. Well, with Jackson being sick, I didn’t get a chance to go to Atlanta. You know what? It’s probably better that way. I can continue to live in my fantasy world that Jeremy is just on an extended business trip.

Welcome 2011!: So, did Baby Jack make it to midnight? Well, the better question is Did Mommy and Daddy make it to midnight. Yes, we all made to watch the ball drop. And while Mom and Dad were quite ready for bed at 12:01, Jack kept us up until a little past 1. He’s a party animal, that kid. He’ll do well in college, I’m sure.

So that’s my update! Here’s to an awesome 2011 and lots of fun things – Valentine’s Day, Easter, FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY (which I may or may not have already starting buying things for…) – to come!

The past six months

My baby is growing up. Fast. I mean, he’s already six months old! I cannot believe how fast it’s gone and how much has changed in six short months. He’s really lost that “baby” look. He looks like a little boy (which, I guess, is a good thing – I mean, I hope he wouldn’t look like a little girl!). He’s a wiggle worm! Not a snuggler – unless of course, he’s tired. Then he’ll cuddle with me. I love those moments and I wish I had treasured them more when he was little. He’s trying so hard to crawl. And sit up. And talk. He plays with toys now! He grabs and shakes, and yes, even throws! I can’t tell you how many times he’s thrown his paci onto the bed from his bassinet (yes, he still sleeps in his bassinet in our room. I know. I know. I can’t let go.) He’s trying out a sippy cup and, even though he has still has that toothless grin, he puts everything in his mouth. I can’t imagine where he’ll be in the next six month. Or heck, even the next month.


There’s so much going on over the next few weeks – Thanksgiving (where he’ll get his first big boy food – sweet potatoes!) and, of course, Christmas! He’s already been to see Santa and he was absolutely mesmerized by jolly old Saint Nick! Santa sang to him and it was so very sweet. The picture turned out great! Jack even smiled a little bit. It wasn’t his normal big smile, because he was sleepy, but his little smirk. The tree will be going up next weekend. I can’t wait to see what he thinks about it! All the lights and present! Of course, as Santa told us, we already got the best Christmas present ever, just a little early this year!

I'm a Scaredy Cat...and I'm okay with that.

One thing about me that has changed in a big way since being a mommy is what I watch. I’m much more timid now than I used to be before have Jackson. Things really upset me more, too. I’m also much more picky with my time. Normally, I look forward to the start of TV season, but this year, unless I loved the show, it was definitely off my radar. Sorry, Grey’s Anatomy. This means you.  Last year’s seriously messed up finale freaked me out for days, so, you’re off my TV watch list. Additionally, very few “new” shows make their way into my schedule and if they do, they’re normally DVR’ed and watched Saturday or Sunday morning between 6-8AM (because one can only take so much news and/or Phineas and Ferb). I’ve also stopped watching pretty much anything that’s based on real events, including Dateline and most Lifetime movies. They are all about bad things happening to people. I can’t watch that stuff anymore. It freaks me out. Even on the news, hearing about child abuse, or kidnappings, or things of that nature really affect me. It’s not that that those things didn’t bother me before; they just hit very close to home now. The kinds of movies I would have enjoyed a year or so ago have completely changed. Example: Paranormal Activity 2. Anyone who knows me knows I love scary movies, but this movie has a baby in it – a sweet little baby boy – so, nope, not happening. I even went so far as to mute the commercials. Recently, an episode of a TV show we watch opened on a mother hiding under the bed with her little baby while a man was walking through her house. Could. Not. Handle. It. Turned it off within the first 15 seconds.

I guess being a mother makes you more sensitive to the world around you. I’m definitely protective of Jackson and want to make sure he’s safe and secure. All of these things – whether it be a silly TV or a serious news story – make me realize the dangers in the world. I want to protect him from that. You know what? Maybe Phineas and Ferb isn’t so bad after all.

Crib? We don't need no stinking crib!

My son still sleeps in his pack and play next to our bed. Wait a second, let me back up. Before I had a baby, I swore I was going to be one of these bad ass moms who made a plan a stuck with it. One month - TOPS - in our bedroom. Breastfeeding for at least six months. Tummy Time everyday. The list goes on and on. Well, I learned very quickly that things always don’t turn out the way you thought they would. My boobs didn’t work as well as I wanted or needed them to and six months turned into eight weeks. Jackson’s screams quickly ending long Tummy Time sessions. And the crib, the beautiful crib that we took so long to pick out (and cost more than our bed), well, he hasn’t even napped in it.


I was totally freaked that we wouldn’t have the crib in time. We went to probably ten different baby stores looking at furniture. I called maybe 15-20 places to find the best deal once we found what we wanted. By the time we ordered it (in January), we were told it would arrive the first week in April. I was just sure that it would be late – or the baby would be early. I just knew we wouldn’t have the crib in time. But we did. Chris and Jeremy did a fantastic job putting it together. It looks amazing. The room is super cute.

That first night home, we put Jackson in his travel crib, which we eventually brought to Chad & Mandy’s to use while she watches the baby. Even thought that would have been the perfect time to move Baby Jack to his crib, I couldn’t do it. So I bought another pack and play and set it up right next to me in our room. That’s where that baby has been. And where he’ll stay – at least for now.
The problem is we’re coming up on the weight limit for the bassinet portion of the pack and play. I could just as easily put him on the base of the playpen, but I feel like it’s almost time to make the change. I know good and well that he can’t stay in our room forever (oh but I would love it!), and there is nothing in the world as wonderful to be woken up by giggles and look over and see your baby’s beautiful face smiling at you.

So, I told myself by 6 months, I would put him in his crib. Another problem: 6 months is Nov. 11. That is very close! Maybe we’ll try over Thanksgiving break. That way, I can sleep on the floor with him in case there’s a problem. Let me be very clear. I do not think there will be ANY problems with him. He’s the most laid back, easy going kid I know! I do think, however, that I will be emotional wreck, so it will just save me the trouble of having to go from our room to his room in the middle of the night. Good thing we have a blow up mattress! :)

Yum, yum, yum in his tum, tum, tum!

Yesterday was a big day in the Neighbours household. We tried rice cereal! Who knew that a runny, brown concoction could bring so many laughs? First things first, on Monday, Jackson had his 4 month check up. He is absolutely awesome, according to our pediatrician, Dr. Chastain. She said his growth is perfect and she was super happy with how he is holding his head, rolling over and all the other good baby things! He’s currently weighing in at 15 lbs, 3 oz, 25 inches long and is in the 50 percentile for weight, height and head size. She told us we were okay to start rice cereal to help him learn to eat with a spoon. It’s so funny to think about all the things you have to teach a baby. It seems like just yesterday I was teaching him to latch on for breastfeeding and now here we are with a spoon…time flies. ANYWAY, Dr. Chastain told us that we need to be consistent in feeding him the rice cereal and not to worry if he really doesn’t eat it because he’s getting everything he needs in formula right now. These early stages are for teaching and learning, not really nutrition. She said it’s best to wait and start it around bottle time, so he’ll be hungry and want to eat. There’s only one little problem with that…


When Jack is hungry, you know it. If he sleeps until it’s time for a bottle, you better have it ready when he wakes up. (The only time he isn’t like that is the morning, when he’s all sweet and cuddly. I love mornings!) Here we were at 9PM, about to wake the sleeping baby and there was no bottle to put in his mouth. First, we sat him in his Bumbo chair. You could instantly tell he was confused. He knew it was time for his bottle. He kept looking at me to Chris, almost like he was saying, “Which one of you has my bottle?” Then he started to cry. Chris gave him the first bite of cereal and you could tell he was intrigued, but not amused. Still crying. He took another bite, then another. He spit it out; he made faces; he gagged. Nope, not a fan of the rice cereal. But we kept trying for about ten minutes, just like the doctor said to do. When he started to get really frustrated, we stopped and gave him his precious bottle, which he happily sucked down while Mommy and Daddy had a good laugh looking at the video and pictures from Jackson’s first adventure in food.

I'm falling apart!

This isn’t so much a baby post, as it’s a mommy post, so I guess it still counts for my baby blog!  I turn 30 on Thursday.  I don’t really have a problem with it (anymore or at this current moment, which is subject to change), but what I do have a problem with is the way my body is reacting!  In the past three weeks, I have had some minor to I guess semi-serious health issues and I don’t like it!  Not one bit!

The minor one is that I had an infection in toe.  Gross, I know.  But it made it hard to walk sometimes because of the pressure.  So, after a week, I finally made a doctor’s appointment on a Friday for the next Monday.  Well, that Sunday, the day Jack was supposed to meet his future girlfriend Hadley, I start to come down with a horrible headache.  I haven’t had a real migraine in probably 18 months, so I guess it’s my fault I didn’t recognize the symptoms.  It got progressively worse and worse until I ended up passing out and throwing up!  I have never passed out with a migraine and of course I was freaked – more because I was at home with the baby than anything.  Thank God he was in his swing!  So I went to the doctor on Monday for my toe and for passing out.  They ran a series of labs, but said everything looked normal.  The doctor said it was probably a combination of not eating (which I hadn’t when all of this started about 1PM on a Sunday) and a migraine that caused me to pass out.  I got a refill on my migraine medicine (which expired in Nov. 09) and a lecture about the importance of eating three meals a day.

THEN, this past Friday, I’m playing with Jackson on the bed before leaving to have dinner with Tim and April, and when I get off the bed, I notice this pain in my hip.  When I climb into the car, it gets much worse.  As I sit at the dinner table, it increases a ton.  I take some Motrin, but nothing is helping.  When we get home, I go upstairs (which hurt like a mother to go up), and lay on the heating pad.  Nope, not really helping.  Every time I move it gets worse.  Finally, around 2AM, Chris gets me leftover pain pills from my c-section.  I take two and pass out.  I wake up with Jack around 6AM and the pain is still there, but I am able to make it down the stairs to feed the baby and at least walk around without sharp, stabbing pains.  I decide I’m going to the walk-in hours at my doctor (rather than ER because that would be no fun) and make my way to Alpharetta at 8AM.  Turns out, I have bursitis. (What is this?  A bursa is a closed fluid-filled sac that functions as a gliding surface to reduce friction between tissues of the body. The major bursae are located adjacent to the tendons near the large joints, such as the shoulders, elbows, hips, and knees. When the bursa becomes inflamed, the condition is known to as "bursitis.")   So, thankfully, nothing serious, but just very painful.  I end up getting steroid shot and some pain and anti-inflammatory medicine.  The medicine and shot have definitely helped this morning, but I can’t help but thinking…hip pain??? Really??? I’m 30 not 80! 

So that’s why I’ve decided that 30 will be my year of taking care of myself.  No more skipping meals, or sleep, or exercise, or even haircuts!  Taking care of myself will make me a better mom to Jackson and hopefully a better person all around!  So goodbye hip pain – you’re not welcome here anymore! 

The Great Diaper Debate

Pampers will give your baby a rash. Huggies don’t fit right. Luvs leaks. Diapers! Diapers! Diapers! Dear God in Heaven, what’s a girl to do? (Don’t say cloth diapers, because I’m not going there.)

Okay, here’s my verdict on diapers: they all suck in one way or another. I have tried all three of the major brands and my winner is....(drumroll please)....Pampers Sensitive!!! Why? Because they smell so good. You don’t want to sniff a diaper after it’s been used, but man, before I put a fresh diaper on my baby’s butt, you better believe I sniff that sucker. It just reminds me of something calm and peaceful. Regular Pampers and Huggies smell good, too (Luvs do not smell like anything), but that Pampers Sensitive is what I think a baby should smell like. And hey – anything to help cover up of the scent of what happens in the diaper is a plus in my book, too! :)

The first "first" of many more to come

There were a lot of firsts for our little family this past weekend. August 27th marked my and Chris’s five year wedding anniversary, but August 28th of this year was also a very special day, because my dear friends Anne Marie and Michael tied the knot! I was so honored to be a part of their wedding and so happy that Chris and Jackson were there to celebrate it, too! But let’s start at the beginning, which is also the not-so-good first:


Jack had his first cold. Poor little baby. He was coughing and wheezy. He just didn’t look happy. And oh my goodness, the snot. How can one little baby make so much mucus? So, of course, I had to take him to the pediatrician – man, they just love me! The doctor said it was just a cold and there’s not much to do for him. Poor little guy –he handled it well, though.

Now, on to the fun stuff!  Friday morning, we loaded up the car and headed to my favorite place in the world – Athens, GA – to begin the wedding festivities of Anne Marie and Michael! Jack’s first hotel stay was at the Gameday Suites and he looked right at home with all the UGA paraphernalia! He got to meet Aunt Morgan for the first time, too! He was so good at the rehearsal dinner that night – he just chilled in his car seat and would toss out a smile when people peeked in on him. Such a good baby!

The biggest first came later that night – Baby Jack rolled over! Chris woke up about 6AM Saturday morning and that little bugger was on his belly! Well, my first thought was that it was fluke. According to the baby books, rolling from back to belly is a 5-6 month skills, but wouldn’t you know it, my son is advanced! He did it a total of four times that morning and now he flips and flops just as easy as 1, 2, 3! (This is making for some sleepless nights for me because I keep waking up and flipping him back onto his back.) He also spent his first Saturday alone with his Nana! I know they had a great time – so much so that his Nana is coming back to watch Baby Jack for his first football game this weekend, while Mommy and Daddy go to watch it live!

I know there are many more “first” to look forward to, but this past weekend was a great one for many reasons! Baby Jack is just full of surprises and so much fun! We are so lucky to have this sweet little boy!

Mommy went out to play...

I did it. I spent a night away from the baby. I was gone a whole 24 hours. And guess what? He was fine. So was I.

I honestly didn’t think I could do it. In fact, I was totally prepared to be driving back from Athens having a crying fit at 4 in the morning. It took me almost 45 minutes to leave the house. I had to kiss the baby about a thousand times and go over things with Chris at least a dozen times. This, of course, is totally absurd because both Chris and I know he is perfectly capable of taking care of the baby. It’s hard to explain, but it’s a very strange feeling to be away from your child. I know that Chris can take care of him, but I am totally convinced that Jackson needs ME. It’s kind of like the going back to work thing. I know he’s in good hands, but my hands are the best hands.

As I made my way to Athens for Anne Marie’s bachelorette party, I was 100% sure I was going to have fun and 25% sure I was going to leave before the sun was up on Sunday morning. I was preparing myself for feelings of guilt and sadness; however, once I got to the amazingly awesome Georgia Gameday Suites, the only feeling I had was happiness. I was happy to be there for Anne Marie. I was happy to be in Athens. I was happy to see my wonderful sorority sisters. I was happy to show off pictures of my baby. I was happy to know he was having a great time with his Daddy. I didn’t wake up Sunday morning until long after the sun was up (something that doesn’t happen too often any more) and you know what? It felt good.

I don’t want to be one of those moms that never leave her kids. I don’t think that’s healthy. Some separation is good, for both me and Jackson. Granted, being Jack’s mom is a huge part of my life now, but this weekend reminded me that I’m a lot of things – a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend – and being well-rounded in all aspects of my life will make me the best mom I can possibly be for my son.

The Amazing Jack Neighbours!

My baby doesn’t perform tricks. He never has. When I was pregnant and was going for ultrasounds, he would be rolled in a position the doctor didn’t like and it was take a lot of effort to get him to move. Most of the time, they had to get a buzzer (a little stick that shakes) to get him to jump around in there. He’d move his hands in front of his face so we rarely got a clear shot of him. And when it was time to take ultrasound pictures, he’d wiggle around so they’d be all blurry. Yup, Jackson Wesley Neighbours has a mind of his own.

Even now, he does the cutest things, but the second I grab the camera, he stops. Even when he’s not looking at me, for example, on his play mat he'll be talking to his reflection in the mirror and try to grab at things.  I sneak up behind him with the camera all set to record, and he stops. Last night, he was talking up a storm, but when my Mom called and put the phone close to him, he stopped. Nope, he’s just not going to perform for anyone until he’s good and ready.

On a side note, Jack’s future girlfriend Hadley will be here by Monday (or earlier)! We are all very excited to meet her and are praying for a safe delivery! Congratulations to Rey and Heather!

The teacher becomes the student.

As parent, part of my job is to teach my son about, well, pretty much everything: right and wrong, good and bad, the importance of Georgia football season. I never imagined, though, that at almost 12 weeks old, he would have taught me so much already. Of course, there are the major things that having him has opened my eyes to: the amount of joy, wonder and love one little person can bring; the amazement you feel as you watch this little guy grow and discover the world; and a renewed sense of appreciation and love for your family and friends.

But that’s the sappy stuff.

Here are the things that Jack has taught me that I think, as a grown up, we tend forget:

1. A good burp after a meal makes you feel better.
2. The very first thing you should after you wake up is stretch.
3. It’s okay to cry for no reason sometimes.
4. Laugh when things are funny. Or silly. Or just there.
5. Smile often.
6. Sleep will always make you feel better.
7. Instead of always looking at the big picture, take time to look at the little things around you.

Jack has a fascination with ceiling fans. I can put him on the floor underneath one and he’ll watch it for an hour. He also loves to look at pictures and video of himself. I’m sure he doesn’t realize that it’s him and I could show him any random baby and he would love it, but my picture supply of random babies is rather limited. At night, Jack looks at the stars. Not outside, of course, but from his turtle. It displays stars on the wall and ceiling in three different colors. We turn this on every night and he will just watch the stars change color until he falls asleep. Chris and I will lie in bed and watch the stars, too. It’s amazing how peaceful and calming it can be just to lie there in silence watching the changing colors.

Thanks, Baby Jack, for teaching me so much already. I only hope I can return the favor.

Back to Reality

Well, it was fun while it lasted. I’m now back to work. I had ten amazing (short) weeks with Jack and now it’s back to the bump and grind. Seriously, if I ever am in politics or know someone who is, I am going to campaign for longer maternity leave. Do you know that the US is like almost LAST in the modern world for the amount of time we are allowed for maternity leave? Most countries in the civilized world give paid maternity leave, too. Not the US. Oh well, I digress…
I’m going to be honest – going back to work sucks. Really really bad. And I have a job that I love. And I work with people I like. And it still sucks. There is nothing like having to leave your child. I’m lucky, too! My sister-in-law is watching him, so he’s not in daycare (not that there’s anything wrong with daycare). He’s with family and it still hurts like nothing I’ve ever felt before. Chris told me if I wanted to stay home, I could, so I am very lucky in that respect. A lot of women don’t even have that option; however, I made a commitment to my department to come back, so back I came.

My boss was super nice and let me work a short week my first week back. I worked 8-2 Monday thru Thursday and had Friday off. This was probably one of the best decisions I made in regards to coming back and if any of my pregnant friends have this option, I would highly recommend it. Monday was awful. I cried all day. Once I would calm down, someone would come into my office and want to look at pictures of Jack or ask me how I was doing and I would lose it all over again. But I made it until 2 and I was out the door to see my baby. Tuesday wasn’t as bad as Monday, but it was better. Wednesday wasn’t as bad as Tuesday, but it was better. You get the idea.

So this is my first full week back. There aren’t tears when I kiss Jack goodbye in the morning (luckily, Chris takes him to my sister-in-law’s, so I never have to really say goodbye), but just because I’m not crying doesn’t make it easy. It’s still hard. I feel a mixture of guilt, fear and sadness every day. But at the same time, there are some personal and professional goals I am working towards over the next 12 months that will benefit our family, so for now, I deal with it, knowing that it’s all for the greater good.

My friend Mary Beth said something that really made me feel a lot better about going back to work. It’s not about the quantity of time you spend with your child – it’s the quality of that time. So no, right now, I’m not with Jack as much as I would prefer, but you better bet your bottom dollar that every minute I have with him, I am soaking up every ounce of that baby boy!

What's that smell? Oh, it's me.

I had to make a quick return at Carter’s today.  Rather than dealing with his stroller, I just carried Jack, who was still in his 2 o’clock feeding food coma, into the store.   Right as I had to sign for the return, he woke up and then promptly proceeded to spit up.  Right on my shoulder.   Pleasant.  The girl doing the return (who worn entirely too much blush) was so polite as she asked me if I wanted to use the restroom to clean up.   But that’s the thing about spit up.  Once it’s on you, the scent stays until you wash the clothes and yourself.  Of course, I attempted to clean it up, but you could still smell it.  Well, I still had errands to run and by golly, it took me all week to make my way out of the house and my errands were going to get done!  I needed to go to Target.  But did I really want to go in there smelling like spit up with a big stain on my shoulder? So I decided to go to Wal-mart instead.  Even with the smell and the stain, I still smelled and looked better than half the people in there. 

A piece of advice to all the Mommies-to-Be of boys

When you are changing your little boys diaper, point the wee wee DOWN.  You can thank me later.  I need to go take a shower.

Lessons Learned

I’ve definitely not the expert on parenting, but there are a couple of things I have learned in the last 2 months (really? It’s been 2 months already??) that I didn’t know before and I think are pretty helpful. I didn’t learn these all on my own – some my friends told me, some my pediatrician – but I wish I had known them before I had Jackson – it would have helped me and Chris out big time!

1. It’s a lot of work: awesome work, but work just the same: Everything runs on a three hour schedule when you have a baby, especially for the first few weeks. That’s hard to get used to and it takes time to adjust to that schedule. That being said, there is very little time to get OTHER things done. But you know what? It's not important. Laundry will get folded (or, in my case, get worn before it gets folded and washed again), dishes will get washed (this actually happens because we need spoons!), bills will get paid (and if you forget - they call you!) and if you don't get a chance to run to the grocery store, hello Papa John's!
2. In the words of one of my favorite singers Jay Clifford, know when to walk away: Some times, your baby will cry and you will have no idea why. They’ve just been feed (and refuse more: see below), changed, are clean and nothing will calm them. My pediatrician said it best to me – for your entire life, you’ve been in a safe, dark, warm environment. Suddenly, you’re out where it’s too hot or too cold, loud and bright. Guess what? You’d cry, too. Now, let me say this, I do not believe in the “cry it out” method of baby raising; however, after about four weeks of trying to do anything and everything to comfort Jack when he would cry and sometimes nothing would work, I would just have to let him cry for a few minutes. It’s hard to hear your baby cry, so sometimes, I’d make sure he was safe (like in his pack-n-play) and I’d walk outside for a minute or five. At first, I felt incredibly guilty, but then I realized that those five minutes of quiet were so refreshing and helped me better care for him. I don’t feel so guilty anymore.
3. You learn to play detective and the better detective you are, the better you get to know your baby: When Jack starts to cry, I first check the diaper. (I think that’s every parent’s first check!) Jack does NOT like a dirty diaper and as soon as he pees or poops, he pretty much lets us know. I have, through my detective work, also discovered that Jack does not like to be dirty in general, so if all else fails, I change his outfit into something fresh and clean. Normally, mystery solved.
4. People are going to give you “advice” that makes you feel like a bad mom: I can’t tell you how many times my friends and family have said something that you should or shouldn’t do that I have or haven’t done that makes me think, “Holy crap! Am I permanently damaging my son for life?” Here’s the answer to that question: No and screw them! Seriously, I don’t care if you have no kid, one kid or ten kids. Every baby is different and worked for your little bundle of joy isn’t necessarily what will work for mine. So instead of over-analyzing every decision I make, I realized that as long as my baby eats, sleeps and poops regularly, I am doing something right.
5. Some advice is actually helpful: People will give you lots of advice and I think you should listen to all of it and finds what works for you. I know that with my pregnant friends, I have given lots of (unsolicited – like this blog!) advice. It’s just human nature, especially when you are excited and happy about something. You want to share it. My friends and family do the same to me. Some of it is good, some of it, not so good (see above). Just learn to weed through it.
6. Just like in pregnancy, baby books and baby websites will scare the crap out of you: It seems that there is always the ‘worst case scenario’ told about, which leads to lots of unnecessary panic and worry. Take what you read with a grain of salt.
7. You will worry more than you have ever worried in your life: If you thought pregnancy was bad, wait until the baby is here. I constantly worry if he’s breathing okay. I probably wake up at least five to ten times a night to check if he’s breathing. If I can’t see his chest rising and falling, I gently nudge him. If a gentle nudge doesn’t work, I pick him up. Yeah, I know.
8. You will love more than you have ever loved in your life: There’s a new respect for your husband, your parents and your family and friends, but most of all, the love you feel for your baby is amazing.

Pump It!

I never thought I’d be this excited about a breast pump – but I am! My breast pump came in the mail today! See, here’s the thing. I just thought that my boobs would produce milk naturally and I’d be able to feed Jack and the world would just be wonderful. Well, reality check, it doesn’t always happen like that. Without going into too much detail, I’m not producing a ton of milk, so we have to supplement with formula; however, I am committed to giving him as much breast milk as possible, because the benefits are so good for him, so pump about six times a day. The lactation consultant at Northside said part of the reason for the lack of breast milk may be that I didn’t get to breastfeed with the hour after Jack was born since he was in the transitions nursery. In fact, I didn’t even try to breastfeed Jack until he was almost 18 hours old. This is apparently a big no-no. You really should try to breastfeed in the first hour and every hour to two after that for the first day or so. The reason I didn’t was because, since the cord was wrapping around his neck, they had to overfeed him formula in the transitions nursery to make sure the cord didn’t do any damage with his swallowing and spitting up. Basically, they feed him between 30 – 60 ml (about 1 to 2 oz) and made him spit it up. He did great, but that also made him not want to nurse, which was a signal to my body that it didn’t need to produce milk. (It’s truly amazing the way a woman’s body works after having a baby.) ANYWAY, for the past six weeks, I’ve been renting the mother of all breast pumps from the hospital. This, by the way, is totally safe. It’s a special pump that is made for multiple users. You should never share a regular breast pump because your milk can be contaminated. I ordered my own pump over a week ago. It’s supposed to be a really good one (Medela Pump in Style) and it finally got here today. Isn’t it funny how, a year ago, a breast pump would have been the last thing I was excited about, but today, when the FedEx guy rang the doorbell, I jumped up and ran to the door like it was freaking Santa Claus! Oh man, I am OLD! :)

A precious gift

Part of Chris’s Father’s Day gift was a good night’s sleep. Honestly, I think it was his most favorite part of his gift. He went to bed just before midnight (which is normally his bedtime, even before we had a baby) and slept until 7:30. I’ve given him this “gift” three times since Jack’s been born. I take the baby downstairs and handle all late night feedings and diaper changes. It's amazing the difference in him on the days after those nights. I have said time and time again that staying home with Jack has been a lot more work than I expected. Amazingly awesome, but still, it is a lot. I definitely have a new appreciation for Stay at Home Moms and Dads; however, for those who work full-time and then come home every day and do it, too…well, WOW. Hats off to all of you! I am dreading going back to work in July for several reasons. Mostly because I don’t want to leave my baby, but there is a part of me that just wonders how in the heck we are going to do this! I’m exhausted staying home with him as it is and so is Chris. Of course, we aren’t the first parents that have gone through this and we won’t be the last, but still. Anyway, needless to say, Chris was very happy with his night o’ sleep. It’s amazing what a good, solid 8 hours will do for you!