Lessons Learned

I’ve definitely not the expert on parenting, but there are a couple of things I have learned in the last 2 months (really? It’s been 2 months already??) that I didn’t know before and I think are pretty helpful. I didn’t learn these all on my own – some my friends told me, some my pediatrician – but I wish I had known them before I had Jackson – it would have helped me and Chris out big time!

1. It’s a lot of work: awesome work, but work just the same: Everything runs on a three hour schedule when you have a baby, especially for the first few weeks. That’s hard to get used to and it takes time to adjust to that schedule. That being said, there is very little time to get OTHER things done. But you know what? It's not important. Laundry will get folded (or, in my case, get worn before it gets folded and washed again), dishes will get washed (this actually happens because we need spoons!), bills will get paid (and if you forget - they call you!) and if you don't get a chance to run to the grocery store, hello Papa John's!
2. In the words of one of my favorite singers Jay Clifford, know when to walk away: Some times, your baby will cry and you will have no idea why. They’ve just been feed (and refuse more: see below), changed, are clean and nothing will calm them. My pediatrician said it best to me – for your entire life, you’ve been in a safe, dark, warm environment. Suddenly, you’re out where it’s too hot or too cold, loud and bright. Guess what? You’d cry, too. Now, let me say this, I do not believe in the “cry it out” method of baby raising; however, after about four weeks of trying to do anything and everything to comfort Jack when he would cry and sometimes nothing would work, I would just have to let him cry for a few minutes. It’s hard to hear your baby cry, so sometimes, I’d make sure he was safe (like in his pack-n-play) and I’d walk outside for a minute or five. At first, I felt incredibly guilty, but then I realized that those five minutes of quiet were so refreshing and helped me better care for him. I don’t feel so guilty anymore.
3. You learn to play detective and the better detective you are, the better you get to know your baby: When Jack starts to cry, I first check the diaper. (I think that’s every parent’s first check!) Jack does NOT like a dirty diaper and as soon as he pees or poops, he pretty much lets us know. I have, through my detective work, also discovered that Jack does not like to be dirty in general, so if all else fails, I change his outfit into something fresh and clean. Normally, mystery solved.
4. People are going to give you “advice” that makes you feel like a bad mom: I can’t tell you how many times my friends and family have said something that you should or shouldn’t do that I have or haven’t done that makes me think, “Holy crap! Am I permanently damaging my son for life?” Here’s the answer to that question: No and screw them! Seriously, I don’t care if you have no kid, one kid or ten kids. Every baby is different and worked for your little bundle of joy isn’t necessarily what will work for mine. So instead of over-analyzing every decision I make, I realized that as long as my baby eats, sleeps and poops regularly, I am doing something right.
5. Some advice is actually helpful: People will give you lots of advice and I think you should listen to all of it and finds what works for you. I know that with my pregnant friends, I have given lots of (unsolicited – like this blog!) advice. It’s just human nature, especially when you are excited and happy about something. You want to share it. My friends and family do the same to me. Some of it is good, some of it, not so good (see above). Just learn to weed through it.
6. Just like in pregnancy, baby books and baby websites will scare the crap out of you: It seems that there is always the ‘worst case scenario’ told about, which leads to lots of unnecessary panic and worry. Take what you read with a grain of salt.
7. You will worry more than you have ever worried in your life: If you thought pregnancy was bad, wait until the baby is here. I constantly worry if he’s breathing okay. I probably wake up at least five to ten times a night to check if he’s breathing. If I can’t see his chest rising and falling, I gently nudge him. If a gentle nudge doesn’t work, I pick him up. Yeah, I know.
8. You will love more than you have ever loved in your life: There’s a new respect for your husband, your parents and your family and friends, but most of all, the love you feel for your baby is amazing.