Back to Reality

Well, it was fun while it lasted. I’m now back to work. I had ten amazing (short) weeks with Jack and now it’s back to the bump and grind. Seriously, if I ever am in politics or know someone who is, I am going to campaign for longer maternity leave. Do you know that the US is like almost LAST in the modern world for the amount of time we are allowed for maternity leave? Most countries in the civilized world give paid maternity leave, too. Not the US. Oh well, I digress…
I’m going to be honest – going back to work sucks. Really really bad. And I have a job that I love. And I work with people I like. And it still sucks. There is nothing like having to leave your child. I’m lucky, too! My sister-in-law is watching him, so he’s not in daycare (not that there’s anything wrong with daycare). He’s with family and it still hurts like nothing I’ve ever felt before. Chris told me if I wanted to stay home, I could, so I am very lucky in that respect. A lot of women don’t even have that option; however, I made a commitment to my department to come back, so back I came.

My boss was super nice and let me work a short week my first week back. I worked 8-2 Monday thru Thursday and had Friday off. This was probably one of the best decisions I made in regards to coming back and if any of my pregnant friends have this option, I would highly recommend it. Monday was awful. I cried all day. Once I would calm down, someone would come into my office and want to look at pictures of Jack or ask me how I was doing and I would lose it all over again. But I made it until 2 and I was out the door to see my baby. Tuesday wasn’t as bad as Monday, but it was better. Wednesday wasn’t as bad as Tuesday, but it was better. You get the idea.

So this is my first full week back. There aren’t tears when I kiss Jack goodbye in the morning (luckily, Chris takes him to my sister-in-law’s, so I never have to really say goodbye), but just because I’m not crying doesn’t make it easy. It’s still hard. I feel a mixture of guilt, fear and sadness every day. But at the same time, there are some personal and professional goals I am working towards over the next 12 months that will benefit our family, so for now, I deal with it, knowing that it’s all for the greater good.

My friend Mary Beth said something that really made me feel a lot better about going back to work. It’s not about the quantity of time you spend with your child – it’s the quality of that time. So no, right now, I’m not with Jack as much as I would prefer, but you better bet your bottom dollar that every minute I have with him, I am soaking up every ounce of that baby boy!