Back to Reality

Well, it was fun while it lasted. I’m now back to work. I had ten amazing (short) weeks with Jack and now it’s back to the bump and grind. Seriously, if I ever am in politics or know someone who is, I am going to campaign for longer maternity leave. Do you know that the US is like almost LAST in the modern world for the amount of time we are allowed for maternity leave? Most countries in the civilized world give paid maternity leave, too. Not the US. Oh well, I digress…
I’m going to be honest – going back to work sucks. Really really bad. And I have a job that I love. And I work with people I like. And it still sucks. There is nothing like having to leave your child. I’m lucky, too! My sister-in-law is watching him, so he’s not in daycare (not that there’s anything wrong with daycare). He’s with family and it still hurts like nothing I’ve ever felt before. Chris told me if I wanted to stay home, I could, so I am very lucky in that respect. A lot of women don’t even have that option; however, I made a commitment to my department to come back, so back I came.

My boss was super nice and let me work a short week my first week back. I worked 8-2 Monday thru Thursday and had Friday off. This was probably one of the best decisions I made in regards to coming back and if any of my pregnant friends have this option, I would highly recommend it. Monday was awful. I cried all day. Once I would calm down, someone would come into my office and want to look at pictures of Jack or ask me how I was doing and I would lose it all over again. But I made it until 2 and I was out the door to see my baby. Tuesday wasn’t as bad as Monday, but it was better. Wednesday wasn’t as bad as Tuesday, but it was better. You get the idea.

So this is my first full week back. There aren’t tears when I kiss Jack goodbye in the morning (luckily, Chris takes him to my sister-in-law’s, so I never have to really say goodbye), but just because I’m not crying doesn’t make it easy. It’s still hard. I feel a mixture of guilt, fear and sadness every day. But at the same time, there are some personal and professional goals I am working towards over the next 12 months that will benefit our family, so for now, I deal with it, knowing that it’s all for the greater good.

My friend Mary Beth said something that really made me feel a lot better about going back to work. It’s not about the quantity of time you spend with your child – it’s the quality of that time. So no, right now, I’m not with Jack as much as I would prefer, but you better bet your bottom dollar that every minute I have with him, I am soaking up every ounce of that baby boy!

What's that smell? Oh, it's me.

I had to make a quick return at Carter’s today.  Rather than dealing with his stroller, I just carried Jack, who was still in his 2 o’clock feeding food coma, into the store.   Right as I had to sign for the return, he woke up and then promptly proceeded to spit up.  Right on my shoulder.   Pleasant.  The girl doing the return (who worn entirely too much blush) was so polite as she asked me if I wanted to use the restroom to clean up.   But that’s the thing about spit up.  Once it’s on you, the scent stays until you wash the clothes and yourself.  Of course, I attempted to clean it up, but you could still smell it.  Well, I still had errands to run and by golly, it took me all week to make my way out of the house and my errands were going to get done!  I needed to go to Target.  But did I really want to go in there smelling like spit up with a big stain on my shoulder? So I decided to go to Wal-mart instead.  Even with the smell and the stain, I still smelled and looked better than half the people in there. 

A piece of advice to all the Mommies-to-Be of boys

When you are changing your little boys diaper, point the wee wee DOWN.  You can thank me later.  I need to go take a shower.

Lessons Learned

I’ve definitely not the expert on parenting, but there are a couple of things I have learned in the last 2 months (really? It’s been 2 months already??) that I didn’t know before and I think are pretty helpful. I didn’t learn these all on my own – some my friends told me, some my pediatrician – but I wish I had known them before I had Jackson – it would have helped me and Chris out big time!

1. It’s a lot of work: awesome work, but work just the same: Everything runs on a three hour schedule when you have a baby, especially for the first few weeks. That’s hard to get used to and it takes time to adjust to that schedule. That being said, there is very little time to get OTHER things done. But you know what? It's not important. Laundry will get folded (or, in my case, get worn before it gets folded and washed again), dishes will get washed (this actually happens because we need spoons!), bills will get paid (and if you forget - they call you!) and if you don't get a chance to run to the grocery store, hello Papa John's!
2. In the words of one of my favorite singers Jay Clifford, know when to walk away: Some times, your baby will cry and you will have no idea why. They’ve just been feed (and refuse more: see below), changed, are clean and nothing will calm them. My pediatrician said it best to me – for your entire life, you’ve been in a safe, dark, warm environment. Suddenly, you’re out where it’s too hot or too cold, loud and bright. Guess what? You’d cry, too. Now, let me say this, I do not believe in the “cry it out” method of baby raising; however, after about four weeks of trying to do anything and everything to comfort Jack when he would cry and sometimes nothing would work, I would just have to let him cry for a few minutes. It’s hard to hear your baby cry, so sometimes, I’d make sure he was safe (like in his pack-n-play) and I’d walk outside for a minute or five. At first, I felt incredibly guilty, but then I realized that those five minutes of quiet were so refreshing and helped me better care for him. I don’t feel so guilty anymore.
3. You learn to play detective and the better detective you are, the better you get to know your baby: When Jack starts to cry, I first check the diaper. (I think that’s every parent’s first check!) Jack does NOT like a dirty diaper and as soon as he pees or poops, he pretty much lets us know. I have, through my detective work, also discovered that Jack does not like to be dirty in general, so if all else fails, I change his outfit into something fresh and clean. Normally, mystery solved.
4. People are going to give you “advice” that makes you feel like a bad mom: I can’t tell you how many times my friends and family have said something that you should or shouldn’t do that I have or haven’t done that makes me think, “Holy crap! Am I permanently damaging my son for life?” Here’s the answer to that question: No and screw them! Seriously, I don’t care if you have no kid, one kid or ten kids. Every baby is different and worked for your little bundle of joy isn’t necessarily what will work for mine. So instead of over-analyzing every decision I make, I realized that as long as my baby eats, sleeps and poops regularly, I am doing something right.
5. Some advice is actually helpful: People will give you lots of advice and I think you should listen to all of it and finds what works for you. I know that with my pregnant friends, I have given lots of (unsolicited – like this blog!) advice. It’s just human nature, especially when you are excited and happy about something. You want to share it. My friends and family do the same to me. Some of it is good, some of it, not so good (see above). Just learn to weed through it.
6. Just like in pregnancy, baby books and baby websites will scare the crap out of you: It seems that there is always the ‘worst case scenario’ told about, which leads to lots of unnecessary panic and worry. Take what you read with a grain of salt.
7. You will worry more than you have ever worried in your life: If you thought pregnancy was bad, wait until the baby is here. I constantly worry if he’s breathing okay. I probably wake up at least five to ten times a night to check if he’s breathing. If I can’t see his chest rising and falling, I gently nudge him. If a gentle nudge doesn’t work, I pick him up. Yeah, I know.
8. You will love more than you have ever loved in your life: There’s a new respect for your husband, your parents and your family and friends, but most of all, the love you feel for your baby is amazing.