The birthing process

I’m not gonna lie – I’m starting to freak out a bit. I knew when we decided to have a baby what that entailed. Okay, maybe not ENTIRELY what that entailed, but a pretty good idea. I knew about morning sickness and swollen feet and peeing a lot. I also knew about ultrasounds and feeling the kicks and the excitement that leads up to the birth. Oh, yeah, there’s that pesky word – birth. The baby has to be born. One way or another, this kid is coming and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. And honestly, I’m terrified.

When I was 12 weeks or so along, my doctors told me I had pregnancy-induced chronic hypertension, which is a fancy way of saying high blood pressure, except in pregnancy, it’s pretty freaking serious. One of my doctors pretty much told me that I would be induced, need a c-section and that we had to focus on making it to 26 weeks. (Apparently, 26 weeks is the earliest that a baby can really survive on its own. Not to say if he came earlier they wouldn’t do everything possible, but 26 weeks was the milestone we were looking for.) Needless to say, I was terrified. Well, about 23 weeks, when everything was going completely normal, thanks to bi-weekly visits and medication, one of my other doctors said a c-section wasn’t absolutely necessary, but I would need to be induced around 38-39 weeks. (Naturally going into labor with blood pressure problems can be bad.) In talking about my options (c-section or not) with the OB, she said that she is still leaning toward a c-section, but as long as things progress as they have been, it may be my decision.

So, for the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot about this and then it hit me – one way or another, the baby is coming out of me. Holy crap. I am not the least bit nervous about him being here. In fact, I can’t wait to look into his eyes and kiss his little hands and feet. But what I am completely freaking out about is the birth part! I’ve always known this coming, but now, when we are like 6-7 weeks away, I’m really freaking out. The thought I’ve carried in the back of my head is, “If so and so can do it, so can I.” That’s not a dig against any of my friends and family, sometimes I even think about the girls on 16 & Pregnant – if they can do, I can, too. But I’m quickly losing confidence. Maybe I can’t.

But I have to. There’s really no choice, is there?